By the firelight

I didn't want to love you. My heart is already taken, you know. And I know yours is, too. But something happened, somewhere along the way I lost control and now you're all I see, hear, and think.

I'm not going to lie, I've tried so hard to push you out of my head. So hard. It can't be. You don't feel the same. There's no hope. It's wrong. I should be content with what I have.

But, I can't do it. I can't get you off of my mind. I used to dream about you, but now I just don't sleep anymore. Instead I lie awake, trying my damnedest to enjoy the warmth that's already beside me, but being torn by guilt because I can't. Because it isn't you.

Dammit. I don't even know you, not really. Yes, we've chatted a few times over the years. We're friends on Facebook. I think I have the idea of you, but nothing more. But that little glimmer is so very, very intriguing. I can't help but to want to learn more, learn everything.

And so I'm ripping my mind to shreds, simultaneously desperate to get you out and desperate to figure out how to get more of you in. I sit by the firelight, wanting to see your face lit by it again knowing I shouldn't hoping that this glass will be the one that makes it all go away but it doesn't.

So, sorry if I've been weird lately. Sorry I've put this on you, you sure as hell didn't ask for it. I'm trying to move past it. I'm trying to get back to you just being one of my favorite acquaintances. Maybe one day friend. Maybe. I know you would be a great friend to have, you make the people you're close with shine so brightly. I want to shine, too.

Yours,
♒️